Three Good Reasons to Shut the Hell Up ...

I am going to let you all in on what may be the world’s worst kept secret: Young men talk too much. From the age of about 11 to … oh I’d say about 30, young men just won’t stop yapping.

When I think back to my first professional job, I can’t help but feel badly for the torment I put my first supervisor through. It seemed as if I always had something to say. I don’t know if I was trying to show people how much I knew or if I just couldn’t stand the quiet. Whatever the reason the result was that talked that poor man’s ear off.

Now that I am older, I have come to realize the power of silence.

Converting Conversation

As I have moved into management, I have definitely shifted the majority of my day from “doing things” to “discussing things.” Whether I am on the phone with a vendor, discussing software licenses, or in another office, having a conversation about network storage, I spend more and more of my time talking with others.

Ironically enough, one of the best things you can do in a conversation is to shut up. Introducing silence, on your part, entices the person you are conversing with to fill the gap. They will continue to talk, and you should take that opportunity to listen. Silence will open the paths for the other person to share more and for you to learn more.

Building on Conversion

Now that you know that being quiet in a conversation can entice someone to tell you more than they may have planned, you should know that silence is not only for information gathering. It is also a path to building stronger bonds. It may sound strange, but it really is effective and quite simple.

Doesn’t everyone enjoy feeling that they are being heard? And not just “heard,” but that the other person is actually “listening.” The easiest way to build that bond is to shut your mouth and let the other person talk. While being quiet is a great first step, you can take this method even further by adding focus to the mix.

While being quiet is great, but don’t waste your silence by thinking about your next comment. Instead truly focus on what your conversation partner is saying. Absorb it and add it to the tapestry they are weaving for you in order to see the bigger picture.

Never Negate Negotiation

Lastly, I would be remiss to not mention the value that any negotiation can realize by just adding some “shutting the hell up” to the mix. Like myself, you have probably heard the adage that you should “never speak first in a negotiation.” But the truth, like many things in life, is not as simple as that.

The fact is that a negotiation is a living thing. And like any living thing it has different stages of life, all of which have moments where silence can be a powerful tactic. Shutting your mouth does more than just edge your adversary to speak first in a negotiation. As Chris Voss writes in Never Split the Difference:

Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there. By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing

Grandma’s Grand Advice

Maybe I had alot to say when I was young. Maybe I was just flapping my jaw. I am guessing it was the latter rather than the former. Either way I am glad to have come out the other side of my youthful yapping. Now I can appreciate the true value of silence, whether it be to learn more, build a better bond, or navigate a negotiation.

The truth is that if I had just listened to my grandmother’s advice, when I was kid, I’d have been miles ahead as a young man …

God gave you two ears and one mouth. So shut the hell up and listen.